Day 34

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.”
Romans‬ 5‬:6‬ NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

A few years ago, I sat at the computer in my office and realized I was a little bored. It was a slow day at work. I looked over to the other side of my desk where I keep a small devotional and decided I would crack it open and see what the day’s reading was about. Within that reading were the following words, “Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.” On the page, within a Christian devotional, they seemed to not be the least bit out of place. In my head, however, they had an awkward ring. I decided to say them out loud, to see if they sounded to my ear as unusual as they did in my head. In a low voice, so as not to be heard by my colleagues, I recited those words one time. It felt like I was doing something wrong, but I resolved to say it again. “Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.” And again, and again, until the weirdness wore off and I was comfortable reciting it to myself without any hesitation. It felt like a small win.

Looking back, I am not sure why I was so nervous to say these words out loud and be heard by my coworkers. And while I pushed forward, the self-consciousness melting away with each recitation, it still felt like I was still holding something back from God.

The truth of the matter is, Jesus Christ IS my Lord and Savior. He did carry a cross up a hill, allow himself to be nailed to that cross and foisted into the air, hang there in pain and agony for days, and breathe His last breath crying out to His father for me. And yet knowing all of this, and believing it with my whole heart, when it comes to reciting this in a way that is loud and proud in the middle of my office, I am just not quite there yet. Why? Why do I not allow him to completely rule my life? Why does his will for me contradict my own will so often? When he knocks on my door, why do I not open it? What am I holding back from God? What keeps me from giving everything to him?

The “ungodly” in Paul’s letter refers to me. Frankly, it refers to all of us. It’s an adjective that at once casts the widest net possible to let everyone in the world know they are loved and that Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us. At the same time, it also reminds those of us that constantly count on our righteousness to get us into Heaven that there is nothing special about us for our belief in God, but everything special about us because Jesus Christ IS our Lord and Savior.

And here is the best part about it, summed up in one word: Grace. Even though I hold all of this back from him, even though I whisper when I should shout, He loves me and watches over me and would die for me all over again.